Letters From God

Today was our last FIREstarters retreat of the semester; my last retreat. I was EXHAUSTED, but still managed to drag myself out of bed at 6:45am for a fun-filled day in campus ministry with Catholic high school confirmation students. It was a beautiful, challenging, wonderfully-terrifying day, and I think my life was changed once again by a few simple moments.


First of all, I'll have you know that at every single retreat so far (5 of them), the kids in my small group will ask me and the other small group leaders what our confirmation names are. My response to that question is always, "Well...I'm Protestant...so I don't have one."


Well, today, at my sixth and final retreat, I decided to find a saint that I could use as my Protestant-equivalent of a confirmation name. The very first time I heard the name Saint Therese I found it aesthetically pleasing and was quite intrigued. At lunch while I talked about finding myself a saint, Therese was the very saint suggested to me by a fellow FIREstarter.


Born in 1873, Therese lived in France as a nun for 10 years before her death at the age of 24. She was never able to complete any great works of service or do anything outside of her Carmelite cloister, for that matter. She was overly sensitive and cried A LOT. Now, at first, I was thinking, "I don't like her very much - she sounds like a total sap and I'm definitelyyyy not as much like her as I thought." How ridiculous of me. I'm the girl who has always felt sick to her stomach when anyone yells at her, if anyone rejects her, if any negativity is directed her way. And, yes, I do cry easily, although when alone. As for not being able to serve others, as I read on I began to get a better understanding of that part of Therese's life.


Therese forced her way into the Carmelite order by confronting the Pope and demanding to be let in despite her age. Her persistence impressed the Vicar General, and she was admitted. As a nun, she suffered through painful life situations and struggled to pray her way through, at times. What I like about her "service" is what she called "scattering little flowers," or taking every little opportunity she could to make some sacrifice for others. Because of this, she was called the Little Flower.


Here is a quote by Saint Therese that I particularly enjoy:


Charity gave me the key to my vocation. I understood that the Church had a Heart and that this Heart was burning with love. I understood that Love comprised all vocations, that Love was everything, that it embraced all times and places...in a word, that it was eternal! Then in the excess of my delirious joy, I cried out: O Jesus, my Love...my vocation, at last I have found it...My vocation is Love!"


I make my mission statement again and again, and here I will say it once more - I just want as many opportunities as possible to show others that they are loved.
What better saint could I pick?


Now, on to the rest of the retreat. It was in the middle of one of our skits that I realized how significant it was that this was my last retreat (In this skit I play a demon and was at the time standing with my head bowed after Jesus had "vanquished" me). You know those moments you look back on in life that are so bittersweet because you know some great chapter of your life that you have once experienced is now over and done with, forever to be trapped in your memory? For me, right now, that memory is summer camp, and a second chapter is winter percussion in high school. I am about to add another chapter to that book - FIREstarters, and, actually, Saint Francis overall. Crazy, to think that just today I was participating in the memory that will soon be completely in the past.


Finally, I got an amazing letter from God last week. We have a time at the retreat in which we give everyone a sheet of paper and ask them to write a letter to God, then write a response to that letter "from God." This week wasn't as monumental, but last week's definitely did not come from my own mind. Here it is:


Bethany, my darling child,
Quiet your soul and rest in Me. The love I have for you is so great, Bethany. Why are you looking for more validation than what I’ve already given you? Let that be enough. You are forgiven; you are purified; you are My beloved. Give your heart to me again and you will never be left wanting. And remember, I am with you always, until the end of the age, every step of the way. Change is a good thing; invite it and allow me to smooth out all the rough edges. You have such great opportunity – I am giving you open doors and all you have to do now is walk through them. You make the decision with what I have given you. I have called you and I have equipped you; now it is time to put that call to action. It’s okay to be scared – but find peace in Me. Let me heal your brokenness and fill any void in your life. I will not forsake you – remember that. And Bethany, I will give you the desires of your heart. This, too, shall pass. This hurt will not last forever. So stop worrying and place all of your cares in my hands. They will be taken care of. I am your sustenance. Do not lose faith in the fact. I love you, My sweetheart, My joy. Have peace.


Now I'm still exhausted from my day, so I may nap. I have so much work to do. Oy. 
<3